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"Don't expect a dime if you can't count to ten."  (Bruce Pedersen)

"If three people call you a horse, it's time to buy a saddle."  (Ed Odemoe)

"Dean Meminger was faster than an 11:15 mass at a seaside resort."  (Al McGuire)

"I haven't made a good decision in 44 years. Why start now?"  (Chris Burzynski)

"You don't need my autograph. If you needed it, I'd give it to you."  (Bob Dylan)

"Slept, awoke, slept, awoke, miserable life."  (Franz Kafka diary entry)

"You ain't ever known to be wrong, and I ain't ever been right."  (Hank Williams)

"I can't afford that, I'm an educator."  (Principal Skinner on The Simpsons)

First lines of songs...

"So we already wrecked the rental car."  Mistral by The Decemberists

"Peculiar kind of bathing took place yesterday."  Ludwig by Amon Duul II

"Movement is accomplished in six stages, and the seventh brings return."  Chapter 24 by Pink Floyd

"The day that Elvis died was like a mercy killing."  Too Late to Die Young by Dan Bern

"I'm an unknown individual in an unattended car."  Bound Away by Cake