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Cloud 4 or 5

Among the 56 humor pieces included in this reasonably priced book are: Divorce in the Animal Kingdom, I’m Too Wimpy to Own a Slave, Groovy XR (25 mg), Einstein in Elementary School, Luke’s Gospel: The Publishing Launch, New Year’s Resolutions for My Wife, 9 or 10 Ways to Make Baseball More Boring, If Dogs Could Talk (Like Woody Allen), RFQ for a Girlfriend, and Analyzing Moe’s Violence in “Idle Roomers.”

Plus, my failed New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest entry, showing a bull interviewing a matador. The matador says, “Assuming my references check out, I could start teasing you in a stadium setting next weekend.”

Earth 2.0:  Post-Armageddon Tips

If you knew that earth would be destroyed and then rebuilt from scratch, what advice would you give the designer? Inside you will find 96 suggestions, including on-demand bumper cars to harmlessly act out aggression, giving dictators more migraines, eliminating mud, introducing televised farming, having noses turn purple upon committing a crime, and whether tip jars are necessary. The first draft of this book had 102, but six were not deemed of sufficient quality for today’s demanding readers.

God's Web Site: A Humor Collection

The 32 pieces that comprise God's Web Site are divided into four sections: Humor/Satire, Music, Real Life and Optional Reading.

Humor/Satire:  Covers such topics as a marketing firm's first stab at creating a web site for God, an Italian fashion designer who has lost touch with reality, a CEO putting a positive spin on his company losing 85% of its market value, a BBC radio reporter who calmly describes the firebombing of his own house, a surreal advice column, and newly discovered jokes from the Middle Ages.

Music:  More humor/satire, but given its own space for readers who want to know how a focus group helped The Beatles write "A Day in the Life," why today's blues composers need to lighten up, what Jimi Hendrix was telling us through his seemingly nonsensical lyrics, and how rapper 50 Cent arrived at his name.

Real Life:  The horrors of volunteering at my son's day care center, finally admitting that Archie and Betty will never be in a committed relationship, imaginary books I've yet to read, and why people should not wear button shirts.

Optional Reading:  The best moments from stories and novels that the author now realizes are not Pulitzer or Nobel worthy. Plus, 16 miniature pieces ranging from a rainbow that wipes out an entire village to the difficulties of translating the phrase "Joe Six-Pack" in Spanish, French and German. Think of these as CD bonus tracks and you will not be disappointed.

Things To Do This Week

"Things To Do This Week" is a collection of 34 humorous short stories, satirical pieces and essays. For example, hear the agony of a young gangster on the verge of resigning. Eavesdrop on God's performance review with his boss. Try to spot the joke in "State of Wisconsin vs. The Easter Bunny." Observe a scientist struggle to convey his affection for a co-worker in mathematical equations. Read the press release from Aug. 9, 476 heralding the start of the Middle Ages. Arm yourself with intriguing questions to ask at cocktail parties, like "If every minute counts, yet something only takes 30 seconds, should you risk it?" and "As a society, do you think we ought to reward a young man who steals second base?"

All books are available on Amazon, in the US and elsewhere. This link takes you to Amazon, where you can read excerpts and purchase the 6x9 paper or Kindle versions.